Resomatic 2000™

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Fed up of your robotic legions halting your conquest of the galaxy because they are tired? Rechargeable battery prices driving your accountant insane?
Is your scrap metal merchant eating up your profits?

Then you need the Resomatic 2000™!

We at Long Life incorporated have scoured the galaxy to bring you this revolutionary new technology that will keep your robotic hoards marching for far longer than your competitors. Available in a variety of colours and made from the finest material known to the Necrontyr, now you can be the envy of all your friends.

But don't take our word for it, simply take a look at some of the comments from our satisfied customers and make up your mind about how much you need the Resomatic 2000™

Barak says he cannot believe what this has done for his career. "I was trying to start my own scheme for world domination but I kept failing. A hooker friend of mine suggested I should try the Resomatic 2000™ and everything changed for me. Suddenly my career was resurrected and I was able to secure the votes I needed to continue. This product really has changed my life."

The Goblin king himself cannot recommend it enough! "My stylist kept telling me that the 70's were dead and I should give up trying to keep them alive. As soon as my Resomatic 2000™ arrived I knew it wasn't dead at all! Suddenly I was the life of the party and the envy of all my minions."

Luis missed his pet cat after it was hit by a truck outside his house. "I was real lonely until I get my hands on the Resomatic 2000™. My cat came back and now I love him more than ever. Sure he killed the neighbours but that was just a misunderstanding and I never liked that Jed guy anyway. If I'd had known about it sooner I could have become emperor of this crappy little town and had the other dumb asses that live around here worship me like the true god that I am"

"Me an me mate were out shoplifting with me kids and I wanted somefink special for me 15th birfday. We spied dis geezer with one of dem Res thingies and I knew we ad to av it. Me mate coshed him over the ed wiv a bottle while I tried to grab it. We loled as he fell an we thinked he was deader than a door nob until the guy gets back up. We were well impressed wiv how it worked. innit."


  • Can bring your loved ones back from the dead(1 )
  • Available in any colour you like! (2)
  • Full money back guarantee
  • Guaranteed to make you the envy of your friends (3) 
  • Will run for 1000 years before batteries need replacing (4)

Joan Collins, newly appointed CEO of Long Life industries believes it's something every budding warlord should own. "I was at a party with some of my friends and someone mentioned how old I looked. After my chief of security disposed of the body I decided something must be done and the Resomatic 2000™ was born. I believe everyone should be able to outlive the natural laws of the universe and now everyone can."

The Resomatic 2000™ is available now at all good retailers (and some crap ones). Order now and be eligible to win a free complimentary Super Chef's knife set. Supplies are running FAST so purchase yours today. Why buy just one when you can have two for twice the price!

(1) Please note that it can also bring back those you don't actually like. Resurrection is indiscriminate.
(2) As long as you like blue, green or black.
(3) Friends are not supplied
(4) Only Grade 6 Nuclear fusion batteries are recommended. Not supplied with purchase.


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